Can anyone help with new job shyness?

My first day at my first proper London job (about 8 years ago now) I was desperate to make a good impression so, at lunch time, when the old gits I was supposed to work with (read: do all their work) went down the pub I went too.

Two hours later, I was a bit more than half cut, sat at my desk stinking of booze. ‘course, what I didn’t know was that was the team where people were put out to pasture and they were well known as the office alkies. I was supposed to be above it all.

Got sent home early, in shame.

Oh, and if you want an ice breaker; I’m sure that you know where the pub is.

Posted over 3 years ago by WillTheUnwise

When I moved down to London I started my new job and got sat halfway across the office from the team I was supposed to be working with – spent about a month pretty much working on my own before the boss actually got round to introducing me properly to my actual colleagues.

I’m not sure I can offer you any helpful advice though, my image of journalism is entirely based on All the President’s Men. I suggest hanging around in car parks.

Posted over 3 years ago by rogan tipped with 1K

Offer to make tea for people.
Smile.
Don’t get overly involved in conversations that don’t involve you yet.
Befriend the ed asst, postie and any workies (you never know when you’ll need them!).
Keep your head down, today at least.
Enjoy the short-lived anonymity of the first day/week – you’ll miss it when you’ve been there a while and every f*cker’s hassling you for copy…!

Good luck!

Posted over 3 years ago by ZoZo

Remember, everyone who befriends you in the first week is a social retard, the office twat, shun them at all costs.

Posted over 3 years ago by Mockernee

Keep smiling. Have a night in the pub at the first opportunity to break the ice. And a few other things. Have you talked to them about music yet? They will LOVE you. ;)

Posted over 3 years ago by Chez

My first day was an “Away Day”, and since I didn’t know anyone I got pissed off my face in front of the whole department, licked someone, and started a fight with a senior manager. Needless to say, I still have my job.

Posted over 3 years ago by Samgooding

do LOTS of people watching, smile a lot and be friendly when spoken too…. wait til week 3 to make your move – that way you’ll have sussed who everyone is and which people are nobs…

Posted over 3 years ago by MrsMoo

Tell them about all your friends on Friday Cities. When someone in the office mentions a story in Metro, say “oh yes, I believe McDirts had something to say on that”, or “that was exactly the point made by WilltheUnwise!” They’ll soon be giving you the special look that means ‘you’re one of us!’

Posted over 3 years ago by BraveNewMalden

My office trick is to bribe people with chocolate brownies made from the Domestic Goddess cook book. Sometimes they elicit marriage proposals. That’s just from the girls.

Posted over 3 years ago by Chez

I think you should make them a cake. I’d like a cake if someone new started working here. Chocolate please. With sprinkly bits on.

Posted over 3 years ago by spaniel

I prefer to make my chocolate brownies from chocolate, personally, but each to their own, Chez.

Posted over 3 years ago by Floatykatja

Ciggie’s a hard-bitten journalist, presumably working in some alphamale newsroom full of foul-mouthed Caledonian hacks (every journalist I’ve ever met socially in London has been Scottish, lord knows why). Ingratiating himself with a tray of home-made brownies might not be de rigeur in the company he’s now keeping.

Unless he spikes them.

Posted over 3 years ago by Mockernee

Wait a couple of weeks and then invite them all out for a drink. If the boss is going he might even pay!

Posted over 3 years ago by LittleEmily

Asking people for advice is always a good ice breaker as it makes them feel all special. Maybe ask about good bars near your new job as ‘you don’t know this part of London that well’. Then once you’re talking about the area you can start talking about London in general – favourite areas, where you live etc.

Good luck.

P.S. Baking is always a bonus but I tend to wait until people know me as I find that general London distrust can kick in when offered home made products.

Posted over 3 years ago by sibslock

Yup, ditch the brownies in favour of booze, and buy a round when they invite you to the pub. And sit back and watch (not in a creepy stalker type fashion, just in a getting the measure of who’s shagging who/who hates who/ who’s weird/who’s not type way) and relish the fact that you’re not involved in the office politics – yet.

Obviously given that my office is me, myself and I, you might want to listen to someone who doesn’t rely on inanimate objects for company. But, dredging from the recesses of my memory when I had a proper job, I seem to recall it being amazing how quickly you go from being the new one to being one of the crowd.

Panic not, just be nice. But not weird nice.

Posted over 3 years ago by SeeSee

Perhaps it might help to remember that it is they who are the socially inept, not you, if they’re not making sufficient efforts to make you feel welcome/chat to you. Feeling shy in a new social situation is normal; being unfriendly to newcomers is wholly unacceptable, and rude.

They’ll realise your qualities in a couple of weeks, by which point you’ll have made so many underground friends (as ZoZo suggests) that you’ll be way too cool to talk to them – hard cheese, chaps!

Posted over 3 years ago by Biscuits

When I started this job, for a couple of reasons, I couldn’t sit in the main office- I had a little room by myself (don’t laugh). Everyone felt sorry for me and kept offering me cups of tea. When I finally got to work in the main office, I quickly learned the unwritten Office Politics:

1) It is written in stone that one must take it in turns to bring in cakes/biscuits (M&S preferably, but Somerfield will do at a pinch).

2) When the manager starts singing Kung Fu Fighting at random moments, everyone must join in.

3) Elsatic band flicking is not a crime.

Posted over 3 years ago by Mamfer

Wear amusing ties and socks at work. Simpsons are always a safe bet.

Bring in lots of novelty desk items and office toys for your workstation. Keep this fresh by buying a Kinder Egg every day and adding the toy to your collection.

Just make yourself cups of tea and give out a loud ‘aaaaaah’ with the first sip.

Eat take away curry and kebabs al desko for lunch.

Address people by nicknames and abbreviated versions of their names that are not currently used.

Develop a loud, obnoxious laugh, but only use it while surfing the Internet. If anyone asks you what you are laughing at, tell them it’s nothing.

Buy lots of cakes and food every single day and send an email to everyone in the whole company, inviting them to come to your desk and help themselves.

Listen to loud music on your headphones, nodding your head with the occasional burst of air guitar.

Refuse to tell anyone where you are going on holiday; it’s a secret.

Wear a badge that tells people what your current mood is.

Try to establish office catch phrases, borrowed from comedy programmes of the recent past.

Introduce new office practices, such as tea rotas written on the whiteboard or petitions to management with a list of demands.

Pick your nose throughout the day and eat the produce.

Do not wash or use deodorant.

Try to chat up the best looking woman in the department, particularly if she is married.

Take a wild-assed guess at who the least popular person in the office might be, and persecute them mercilessly in front of others.

Make a quick and dirty assessment of everyone’s working practices, and tell them how they could improve, using examples from your last job.

Posted over 3 years ago by Spammed tipped with 1K

You have never tasted my brownies. B*gger you all. Now you never will.

Posted over 3 years ago by Chez

Their parents will be relieved about that.

Posted over 3 years ago by Mockernee