Sign up or login now! You'll be able to join in the conversations, earn Kudos, and have fun in your city!

What can I do about the checkout lady who stole my grapes?

whenthiswasfields

Posted by whenthiswasfields over 3 years ago
Last active over 3 years ago 7 responses

The other day I went into the little Sainsbury’s by Victoria Station. I’d decided to buy some grapes, which I promptly did, but as the lady beeped the bunch across the till, she reached out a fat greedy hand and snatched away a pair of grapes. Our eyes met. She smiled. And popped the grapes into her grinning mouth. I was genuinely astonished. She chuckled and swallowed. I just stood there. She said some words, I gave her some money. I felt violated, abused. Cheapened, giddy. I staggered from the shop – my appetite a distant memory. I’m now too ashamed to go back into the shop, ever, in case she sees me and starts winking and taunting: “hey – it’s the grape man! Come over here and give me more of your grapes!” It’s ruining my life. The Tescos up the road just isn’t as good, and has hardly any organic meat. Should I move? What can I do?

Richard

Atom feed | Digg this | Newsvine

7 responses

BraveNewMaldenpremium

Not sure how you cope with this, beyond sending the story to Jon Ronson at The Guardian. He’ll pretend it happened to him and turn it into a column lasting three weeks or more.

Posted over 3 years ago by BraveNewMalden

SuckMonster

Are you sure she wasn’t coming on to you? You said she took a pair of grapes: did she tongue them suggestively in a these-could-be-your-bollocks-you-know kind of way?

Posted over 3 years ago by SuckMonster

SFULG

I think you should get over it

Posted over 3 years ago by SFULG

SFULG

Hold on, this wasn’t ‘the other day’, this was 3 fucking months ago (or more). BNM, will you stop going round excavating old posts please. Naughty.

Posted over 3 years ago by SFULG

BraveNewMaldenpremium

Sorry. Missed the 3 months bit.

Posted over 3 years ago by BraveNewMalden

plum

BNM is Jon Ronson and I claim my bunch of grapes.

Posted over 3 years ago by plum

BraveNewMaldenpremium

Flattered at the comparison (writes Jon Ronson).

Posted over 3 years ago by BraveNewMalden